Seasonal Depression is REAL!
I’ve been teaching on the topic of SEASONAL DEPRESSION for a few years. Season Depression (according to how the Lord broke it down to me in prayer) is a mental time stamp created from events that have hurt you and caused you to fall into depression every year at the same time. Can I be honest? I’ve been wrestling personally with this issue this week. Why? This week is the week my father died. Today is the day, (two years ago) I signed the approval letter for him to be admitted into hospice and December 18, 2019 is the day he died.
It has been a struggle to get up so far this week and even more to stay motivated. But, the Lord has been pushing me and speaking to me during it. Telling me “you are the one who will beat this and you’ll beat it in public to show others how”. I’ve had numerous people say I shouldn’t be as transparent about certain things…my response continuously is YOU DON’T REACH WHO I REACH AND YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY I’M SO OPEN. The devil is able to manipulate things that are in the dark but has no power when those same things are in the public eye already AND REVEALED by the one who struggled (past tense). Just like with people… people say they have dirt on folks…but, how useful is the dirt that you’re attempting to destroy someone’s character and integrity with if it’s already been released by the person? It’s not useful nor as affective. So, I’m transparent with my failures, my flaws and my pain to help others get through their issues.
This week I’ve had so many thoughts running through my head. During this time of Fasting I wanted to just quit today. I became frustrated, irritated and realized I have a door open that must be spiritually closed myself. I realized today that I was struggling with loneliness for a couple days. WATCH THIS! You can be in a room FULL of people and STILL feel alone. So, it’s not about having people around but more so about who is around. Sometimes loneliness is caused by the lack of social acceptance, accolades and public or private physical affection. That’s not it either with me. It was simply I missed my Father.
We became very close in the last 5 years of his life and we did everything together. The first time he told me he was proud of me was in June 26, 2015 while I was on my way to Baltimore, Maryland. I still remember that day which keeps me smiling. But, I also remember sitting in the hospital and him having multiple strokes and I was sitting right there when they happened, watching his body jerking into the air off the bed. The mental anguish and trauma that it caused with me that kept me awake for 11 days straight in the hospital. WATCH THIS! Live-streaming daily encouraging words, prophesying and praying for people every night and struggling emotionally when I got offline. I remember my father saying to me “Sean, if I get ready to go don’t pray for me”. His reasoning was valid but no son wants to hear that from their father. His reasoning as he explained was we traveled doing ministry together and HE BELIEVED the anointing on my life was real. He also believed if God was calling him home we just wanted to go and knew in his heart I could effect the transition in prayer. So, he asked and I agreed hesitantly. I watched Bishops, Apostles, Pastors and ministry leaders from everywhere come in and pray for miracles and NOTHING HAPPENED. Why? Because, I believe his faith was in my words and he asked me to remain silent. I remember blaming myself for his death. That’s why honestly I went downhill when he died in 2019 because I felt like I could have spoken the healing and it would’ve happened. Because HIS faith was attached to my words.
The last couple days I received random text messages from people asking am I okay, how’s my heart and how do I feel? Telling me the Lord placed me on their hearts and they felt the need to reach out. It’s honestly helped me knowing people are praying and fasting regarding me personally.
As hard as this was to write I honestly feel better after doing so. I love you all truly and I’m praying that YOU PERSONALLY don’t have to deal with this yourself anymore. I realized that even the ones who preach, pray and prophesy secretly deal with this and struggle in private.
Today, I want to openly help bring people to a place of total deliverance. Whether it’s delivered mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually. I pray today you reading this helps you get free because I’m honored to say that I AM!